As promised, I’m posting my outrageously unsuccessful attempt to make one of Sweet Pea’s blueberry recipes…
After much perusal of my list of options, the one that stood out the strongest (and seemed like I could make it fairly easily in my sister Caitlin’s small kitchen while she made guacamole and her boyfriend Eric prepped steaks for the grill) was the Lemon-Blueberry Yogurt Loaf. I’ve never really made a loaf before, but when I make another one (or if any of you have never made one and need to) I now have a few pointers by way of epic malfunction.
It all began promisingly enough. I had the ingredients; I had a pan; I had a kitchen. I put everything together and stuck it in the oven. (Failure part 1 – I totally forgot to take pictures during any of this. The light was bad anyway.)
It is a well-known fact that I don’t really believe in garbage disposals. We have one in the new house, but we essentially don’t use it. But last night, I had a bunch of peels from beets that I’d already collected in the sink, and it was right there, and I figured, What the heck; let’s give this thing a chance. So I shoved them all down there, and ran a ton of water through like a good little girl, and then turned the monster on.
It was all okay for a few seconds, and then hot pink water started rising in the sink, and rising, and rising. And I thought to myself, s***, trust me to find the most dramatic possible way to break our garbage disposal.
So I got C, and he started poking around, and pulled a bunch of beet ends out of the disposal, and stirring things up, but it still wouldn’t drain. We figured we needed to get it to drain somehow, so C unplugged the dishwasher disposal drain. He tried to do it carefully, and we had a bucket and everything, but the pressure on the darn thing must have been outrageous, because all of a sudden it started shooting beet juice and pieces all over the inside of the sink cabinet.
So we got a purple towel, and cleaned all that up (there was beet everywhere – that part took a while), and then stirred the thing again, but still no go. It still wasn’t draining – the dishwasher plug was above the disposal, so it was just draining the sink. So we figured we were going to have to take the disposal off and dissect it to get everything fished out.
But C couldn’t get the darned thing off with the tools we have. So I called my dad to get him to bring us the tools, and he started making suggestions for how to get it off with what we had. He said one place to start was with unscrewing the pipes, which I could do with my bare hands.
So I was sitting there, practically under the sink (I’d already taken off my work clothes and was in black boxers and a black t-shirt, for laundry safety), talking to dad and playing with pipes. I unscrewed the first pipe I could get my hands on, and popped it off, and lo and behold, the end of the pipe is completely full of beet pieces!
So I say, Hey! I found the problem! Le’me just get the beet pieces out of here and we’ll be all set!
So I poked my finger in and started to pull the pieces out, and all of a sudden all of the beet juice that’s built up in the pipe behind the blockage shoots out at me. It completely soaked me, the inside of the cabinet all over again, everything. It was amazing…
All in all, we used about 4 purple towels cleaning it all up (thank goodness I like purple), and filled the ShopVac with beet pieces. C said aren’t I glad we drained it by accident the first time, instead of ALL of it going right in my face…
When I went down into the basement to put all the towels in the laundry, I discovered that some of the beet juice had run down the pipes, through the floor, and left a trail of beet blood down the cinderblock wall, and splatters all over the dryer.
God, it was everywhere. It was hilarious. There I was, under the sink, laughing fit to burst, on the phone, covered in beet and beet juice. C. says this is proof that we should not eat beets. I think it’s proof that we should not have garbage disposals.